Desperate Housework

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We’ve all been there – it’s the weekend, the house is a state – you haven’t gone to the gym all week and you’re feeling terrible. Aaaand, you’ve only got a 30 minute window free in your day. So what do you do? WHAT DO YOU DO??!

Until now, you probably flipped a coin to decide which chore took more precedence. Or you velcroed damp mops to the kids and slid them curling-style across the tiles. Or maybe you ran screaming from the house, only glancing over your shoulder in the vein hope that someone had torched the gaff – dealing with the insurance claim would be a much easier option.

Well fret no more ladies (and gents of course, I have heard that such house-cleaning unicorn men exist). I have created the awesome Real Housewives of Taylors Hill (!) workout, which combines housework and a workout in one. You are guaranteed ripped abs, buns of steel and dewy skin all thanks to this workout routine.

Exercise 1: The mountain tile climber

Taking a mop to the grubby kitchen floor is no longer a dreaded task. Simply attach a couple of clothes or mop heads to your runners, get on your honkers and mountain-climber your way across the floor. As you complete one lateral section, step forward and repeat on the next section

Exercise 2: Do squats, not shots ?

We all know the famous Roxanne drinking game, right? Stick The Police classic on your stereo, and every time you hear Sting shout “Roxanne” in that gravelly tone of his – you drop to a squat.

The beauty of this exercise is that you can pop a squat during any activity – dusting, bathroom cleaning, window polishing…

Exercise 3: The vacuum lunge

I don’t know about your technique, but when I hoover I normally do 4-5 short-range suctions in my immediate vicinity, followed by an extended lunge to a further away area. Simply include an actual lunge at this point to get those glutes working. Just remember to switch legs each time – otherwise you’ll have one leg the shape of Popeye’s bicep.

Exercise 4: Bedclothes burpees

This is a dinger. You strip the bed, you do ten burpees. You put on the sheet, you do ten burpees. You put on the pillowcases, you do ten burpees. You put on the duvet cover, you do ten burpees. You bring the covers to the washing machine, you do ten burpees. And BAM – that’s 50 burpees done.

Exercise 5: Stair steppers

Depending on the surface of your stairs, you will either hoover or sweep it. In any case, for this exercise you start on the bottom step. Once done, you step down to the floor and back up to the second step. Once that’s done, you take the two steps to the floor and back up to the third step. And so on until your calves are burning and your children are watching you bemused, wondering why mammy’s head looks like a tomato and her breathing is ragged.

Exercise 6: Culinary arm crunches

I love this one, because I love upcycling (I’m a cheapskate) and I smugly use my homemade milk carton dumbbells to keep my arms as svelte as a supermodel’s.

Simply fill 2x2litre milk cartons with sand or water (I prefer sand to liquid as it moves less in the carton), and every few minutes while you’re cooking, do 20 arm raises, bicep curls, tricep curls or any combination of arm work. Perfect to do between chopping and boiling.

And finally, shave valuable seconds from your cleaning routine by not cleaning your shower until you are actually in it. We all know that the cleaning product industry is all a scam and that household cleaning products, shampoo and shower gel are all made from the same stuff (she says as she roughly scratches the worrying red patches on her arms with a brillo pad…)

Check out the useful video here, and Happy Housework(out)!


  • Sara March 11, 2016, 11:00 pm Reply

    This is so cute and useful! However…burpees are my nemesis

  • Tifness March 12, 2016, 1:35 am Reply

    love this! haha, made my day! 🙂 I’m a fitness blogger on here too!

  • A Cookbook Collection March 15, 2016, 4:43 pm Reply

    You had me til Bedclothes burpees. Both of those activities are torture, there’s no way I’m going to combine them! 😉

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