If Calsberg did Olympics…

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I recently saw a number of articles on Social Media headlined as the

“top 10 sexist things that have happened in this Olympics”.

Intrigued, I clicked on one or two and I have to say I was underwhelmed. It seemed that the authors were scraping the barrel and actively seeking out pithy and mildly gender-differentiating events and shoe-horning them into a “sexist” category. One or two were legitimate grievances I grant you, but it could have been a “top 3” list and had more impact.

So I decided to start a discussion with my husband on the topic and get his male perspective. Here is an abridged version of our conversation:

Me: I was just reading an article on _____ (enter HuffPost, Buzzfeed… as appropriate) about the top 10 sexist things that happened in the Olympics this year. I must say, I found most of the commentary to be faux-sensationalist. It actually took away from legitimate grievances of gender, race, class and other divisions that can sometimes be very obvious in the sporting arena. I’d love to get your opinion.

Husband: Oh yeah – I started reading one of those coz I thought it said “top 10 sexiest things that happened in the Olympics”. After the third point I thought, “These aren’t sexy at all” so I re-read the headline and realized my mistake. I didn’t bother reading the rest after that.

That brief conversation really gave me everything I needed to know. So now I’ve decided if you can’t beat ‘em – join ‘em. Without further ado, here are the top 8 sexiest (in my opinion) things that have happened in this year’s Olympics.

1. Lydia Ko getting her hole….

in one! in the women’s golf tournament. Of course, golf is regularly cited as the world’s sexiest sport, and women’s golf even more so. What with all that walking, knee-length shorts and women getting access to a sport that has for many years (and in some areas still is) completely male-dominated, I have to say I find that verrrrrry sexy…

2. Who likes short-shorts? We like short-shorts!

Which red-blooded male or female could not be aroused by the tautness and shortness of Mark Fosters tighty whities (but in black) as he sat poolside for the BBC swimming commentary. Never mind the topless men in the pool, it was the be-shirted and be-shorted Foster that got me all hot under the collar.

3. Bum crack

Ok, we have all have been trying to ignore it, but the divers were all wearing barely-there underpants. So they clearly WANTED us to look “down there”, why else would they be wearing such revealing attire. Any man that shows us his “beavage” (I shall be trade-marking this term to be henceforth used in reference to bum cleavage) is obviously doing it for the attention. And that is sooooo sexy.

4. Shauna Olali has her hands full with her man!

And he did her proud at this Olympics, even though he was robbed of a medal due to some very dodgy boxing adjudication in his fight against the Russian what’s-his-face. Michael Conlan really let rip and “stuck it to the man” after the fight and let his feelings be known about corruption within amateur boxing. I hope he brings some of that passion to the bedroom Shauna – Phwoar!

5. Brazilian ladies’ swimsuits

Is there anything sexier than seeing 98% of a ladies bottom through dental-floss style undergarments of a bikini? I think not – and the best thing is that it is socially acceptable (and indeed encouraged) for women to flaunt their Kardashian’s up and down the beach. But don’t make the mistake of wearing a full-bottomed underhalf, and then sunbathing topless – you will get tut-tuts of disapproval from other ladies who will be upset at your lack of beach decorum, and rightly so! It’s “bums out, boobs nought”, as they say…

6. Saucy biting

Those classic pictures of athletes sensually biting down on their Olympic medals as they pose for the paps on the podium has to be once of the raunchiest Olympic moments out there. And it’s practical too of course. I mean, what if they didn’t nave a nibble and arrived home with a chocolate medal? #morto

7. The O’Donovan brothers “manly hands”.

Many ladies are going to be fantasizing about meeting the O’Donovan brothers after they shot to stardom in this Olympics for their relaxed interviewing technique, their pure-gas accent, and fierce funny colloquialisms (oh yes, and the fact that they won silver medals). And remember girls, if you are lucky enough to hook up with one of the boy-o’s, you can look forward to the crackling scrape of calluses on your skin as they tenderly stroke your cheek, leaving a slight streak of blood as another blister bursts. Swoon!

8. Team GB doing so well, currently lying 2nd in the medal table.

Oh yes, we unequivocally delight in our nearest neighbours absolutely smashing it at an Olympic games, especially as we struggle to get one or two medals for ourselves. We are sooooo happy for the lads on the other side of the Irish sea, and their successes make them even more attractive to us. Hummana-hummana…


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